So God Made a Dog

God said I need somebody to wake up and give kisses, sleep all day, wake up again, give more kisses, and then stay up till midnight basking in the glow of the television set. So God made a Dog.

God said I need somebody willing to give no complaint about wearing costumes they do not understand. I need somebody who can break wind without a first thought or second thought. Somebody no matter what you didn’t do, or couldn’t take, or didn’t win, or couldn’t make will love you without judgment just the same. So God made a Dog.

God said I need somebody gentle enough to love babies. Somebody who will spend all day on a couch with the resting head and supportive eyes to lift the spirits of a broken heart. So God made a Dog.

It had to be somebody who would remain patient and loyal even through loneliness. Somebody to care, cuddle, snuggle and nuzzle, and cheer and charm and snore and slobber. Somebody who would bring a family together with selflessness of an open heart. Somebody who would bark, and then pant, and then reply with the rapid wag of tail when their best friend says lets go to grandmas. So God made a Dog.

God said I need somebody who would stand at your side when the world around you collapses. Somebody to lie next to you during the long nights of pain and sorrow when it hurts to move, or talk, or think, or be. Somebody to stand guard, play games, snore for hours, and repeat as needed. Somebody to give you strength when you have none of your own. Somebody to fight when you have no fight left, to hold onto your soul as if it were their favorite toy, playing tug of war to keep you in this world. Somebody to be your companion and guide in this world and the next. Somebody to wait for you on the other side or stand guard in your absence until they can join you for eternity. So God made a Dog.

The Dance

Over the past 2 years Gareth and I have been through everything possible. As we have been growing our lives together; our separate lives have been flipped up side down, torn apart, and stretched to the limits. Yet, as time marched on we stood the test of time hand-in-hand taking on the world and its hardship.

Traveling through time together has had its up, its downs, its happy moments, its sad moments, its hard moments, its simple moments, but every moment has been filled with love no matter what is happening.

He knows me like the back of his hand. I'm his girl, and he's my man. I know I love this man and that I want to marry him, have his babies, grow old with him, and just be with him. It's hard though. Trying to start my own little family, while being in college, a job, a dog, nieces and a nephew. It's hard finding time for everything and everyone.

I would say our love keeps growing stronger and our devotion to each other grows stronger. We've become comfortable and fallen in a routine; it feels like we've been married for 5 years already.

Since I was told I had heart disease I would say that's the turning point for things to change. Now it's watching over me, protecting me, and avoiding things that might make my heart act up. I miss the adventure and fun. I never wanted my heart to change us or hold us back.

Saturday night the walls of concern came down. He let it all go for one night and just let me have fun; no worries, no pauses, no rules. I had the time of my life. I had my three best friends and him all out celebrating Casey, Bri, Alesha and my birthdays. The girls, Gareth and I all went downtown to the only country bar. We had a few beers, sang and danced the night away. It was perfect.

"Wagon Wheel" came on, Gareth loves this song. He grabbed me by the hand and took me out on the dance floor and the next thing I know he is singing to me and two-stepping with me. All over again I feel in love with him.

I've two-stepped before, but only with my family members. Being a country girl there is nothing sweeter or more romantic than two-stepping in front of everyone with the one you love. I was taken back, my breathe was taken away and I was happy. I couldn't stop smiling, nor could the girls. A man that can show you off and make you feel like the only girl in a crowded bar and not ashamed to do so in front of your friends is a keeper.

Just like that after we had fallen in a routine of safety and protection, the flame was light again. Love is amazing, it's always changing, it's always surprising. A simple dance can change her entire world. Turn the music up, play her favorite song, grab her by the hand, pull her close, sing to her, and dance the night away with her. Just never let the flame go out.

Have A Little Faith

Growing up our parents didn't shove religion down out throats. We didn't go to church. Where I'm from church isn't about God, church is a popularity contest and gossip fest. My parents did not think that was the right approach to letting us develop our own ideas and concepts of faith, God, and spirituality should be. Instead my parents let us live. I don't remember praying together, I don't remember really talking about God. I do remember my grandmother forcing me to go to church with her. My sister and I were the targeted grandchild that needed Jesus. Okay, so that probably wasn't how it was, but that's how we felt about it. I was probably about 7 and I just remember the other girls making fun of us cause we didn't have fancy pretty dresses for Sunday School like them. The fact was we weren't rich, we were farm girls and neither of us really cared about dresses. That scared my heart.

I tried going to church with friends, but it just felt uncomfortable and I felt out of place. I felt judged the entire time I was there. I just couldn't do that. I didn't understand. I've read the Bible, I've talked to God, I've experienced faith and I know that in all these things that judgement is only to be done by God; so why do these people think it is okay to judge others in the house of God?

I strayed away from my faith during high school. I felt lost and that no one could help me cause I couldn't even help myself. Being raised a strong independent woman I felt that if I couldn't protect myself and get myself out of the terrible situation I was in then no one could help me. I was been stuck in an abusive relationship for three and a half year. Finally, with a lot of courage and strength I just walked away. I stopped fighting for him, for us, and trying to make things right. I just walked away and had had enough. I hit rock bottom after that. I spent 6 months in a down whirl spiral of alcohol, parties, and other stuff I knew I should not be doing, but I didn't care. I didn't care about myself, I didn't care how I was hurting my family, I just didn't care. I was the the point where I didn't even know who I was.

I shut out my family. I loved my 4 nieces more than the world, but I didn't care. I had never been so selfish in my entire life. I was not raised like that. I hated myself for what I was doing. When things seemed so bleak, a 5 year old with baby blues showed up in my life. This kid was such a sweet, kind, giving boy at first it annoyed me. I wanted nothing to do with him, I figured it was just another one of my brothers here and now girlfriends. Months drew on and this little man kept pushing his way in my heart, he kept pushing his way in my life, he kept pushing me to love again. He saved me. I don't think he will honestly understand what he has done for my in my life.

I packed up my car and went to college. College was hard for me at first. It was a struggle. I still had no idea who I was, who I wanted to be, I didn't know how to be on my own, I didn't know what I wanted from Gareth. I was shell shocked. The more I pushed Gareth away, the more he let me know it was okay to love, it was okay to be happy and it was going to be okay.

I spend most of the first semester of college soul searching. I didn't go to class, I didn't care. All I cared about was getting my life together and finding the true me. The more I thought the more I realized God was always there, He had always been there for me. I spent an hour every night before bed re-reading the Bible and trying to find my way back to faith.

Faith isn't about reading the Bible. Faith isn't about going to church. Faith isn't about action. Faith is not about doing. Faith is about how you are, how you act, and not just about how you believe. I didn't learn this from the Bible, I didn't learn this at church. This was taught to me by my parents and how they let me explore my own faith and spirituality.

Faith isn't about anyone else. Faith is about you and God, that's it. Faith is the relationship you have with God. It's private as you want it to be or you can shout it from the roof tops. Faith doesn't mean you have to attend church. Everyone believes differently. I've never meet two people with the exact same believes, ideas, values, and customs toward their faith.

I've learned that God is everywhere and He is there everyday. You've got to slow down, relax, enjoy the little things and just at that moment you will realize He's there, He's always been there and He will always be there.